Rough Drift

"Small" writing challenges for my small writing talent. Hotel note pads are the only space allowed. Let's see if I can strip it down and tighten it up to learn something. Improving my skill of weird fiction.

40.) Pragmatic Heroes-Pt.2

Mr. Hotness pulled up in the new Crimemax-630fx, got out and crouched, looking slowly in a circle to the horizon and above. His neighbor whistled, admiring the new ride.

“That the new one? With flame throwers?” he asked, holding hedge clippers.

Mr. Hotness raised his famous eyebrow, “Indeed it is to both questions,” he said, returning his own, “Where did you learn hedge-work like that? I’m . . . impressed.”

Mr. Hotness met his neighbor just last week. Young kid, nice, didn’t trigger senses and until now, showed no inclination of incredible landscaping power. He didn’t move in with a big truck and furnishings, only a small rental trailer behind a plain square-cornered black sedan.

The neighbor smiled, looking down, “Thanks. I was always pretty good with sharp things and then a ninja bit me. Now I can do this-and some other stuff.”

Mr. Hotness commandingly nodded, remembereing the ninja swarm a few years ago. It was a problem everyone got involved in solving. civilians tried to step in as well.

“I’m new to being pro. The Landlord gives me a break on rent as long as I take care of his landscape. I have a roommate, which helps. We’re both just out of college and this is our first place, until we get settled into the business.”

“I have not seen your roomate,” said Mr. Hotness, flexing a forearm.

“He’s asleep in the basement-works nights. It’s good, we can split the car and save up.” Said the neighbor, pointing to the black sedan that now looked much rougher to the eye.

“They haven’t built a Mischief Diplomat in a while. It’s reliable?”

“Not the best but we can’t replace it. No budget. Anything we find used has an awful Carfax. Wrecks, crashes, floods, toxic goo, giant slime, atmospheric re-entry, the usual. Anything newer is too much insurance.”

Mr. Hotness thought about it and sensed a humor within this new hero, “Consider the Spark hatch?”

The neighbor chuckled, “It’s only got danger finders. Of course that’s useless, it’s always going off. And it looks like mom is dropping me off at the police tape.”

“I started with a hand-me-down,” said Mr. Hotness who regaled his neighbor with detail.

An uncle, The Illustrious One, gave Mr. Hotness his first crime ride. Appointed with fine leather, it didn’t match the dirty work of fighting with fire. The leather cracked and dried out. In ways, he felt sorry for the kid but knew the most fun of early crime fighting was that nobody cared who he was and he didn’t have to uphold a public image of safety, secure confidence and social media. This kid had it lucky in a way.

“Well good luck to you . . . I never got your name.” said Mr. Hotness, holding out his gloved hand in an outrageous oven mitt.



“Well, Ed Edge for now. The roommate is Night Maher, literally like a horse.”

“Well I wish the two of you the best in getting to know our fine citizens.” Resuming a sturdy stance with arms crossed, Hotness pointed with a gloved finger across the street, “Over there, lives Mr. Hospitality. Nicest man I ever met. If you feel like coffee and pastries, go say hi, it’s an experience.”

Ed wiped his sun sweaty forehead and looked over at an immaculately kept house. Inviting in fact. Mr. Hotness looked fresh on a fifty degree day.

“I’ll do that, but I need to go get ready for work. I have to be at the Justice Center soon.”

Mr. Hotness nodded big and sprang into a slow jog to his front door, exaggerating arm movements. He smiled. He didn’t say that Mr. Hospitality retired from a full career at the popular yet seedy Just-Ass Court house.

(Authors notes) January 27th, 2016:

I love being silly. That’s the creative bug there. This is kind of my speed of fun. A bad pun can be a good time. I like what-if’s. That might explain why everything has to have a plausibility to it. This is just funny stuff that comes to mind. I do like this concept where they have to live like a normal person and I don’t know where the unlimited bank account came from in history but reality hits these guys hard. Enjoy. I’ll have more later on. Wait until part.3,  A contemplative piece where Hotness helps his niece find work, but her power makes anyone nervous.


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This entry was posted on February 1, 2016 by in Uncategorized.
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